Sexual Safety - Teenage Parenthood - About to be a Dad

What if your girlfriend/ex is pregnant?

Becoming a parent is a big deal – no matter how old you are. It’s likely that you will be feeling a range of emotions – you might be feeling stoked and really looking forward to becoming a Dad or you might be feeling uncertain, confused and nervous. You might be feeling excluded as attention is focussed on the woman – particularly as the pregnancy progresses and she receives more special care and support.

Many new dads are young men. You might not have planned to have a child at such an early age and there may be people who are not so happy that you are having one.

Just remember being a dad is about commitment. The more you can show you are committed, the more people will respect your determination.

Do your best to support your partner: attend antenatal classes, visit the midwife with her and show you responsible you can be. Young men can make very good fathers. It’s your actions, not your age, which count.

Like most young fathers, you might be pleased at the prospect of becoming a parent. But you may also have a few concerns. You might still be at school, or studying, and wondering how you can fit a child around that. You might be wondering how you can afford to have a child if you don’t have a job. You may still be living with your family. Being a young dad is much easier with the support of both families. The mum-to-be might also be young and wondering the same things.

  1. Find out what’s happening to your partner/ex physically and emotionally. Look at books, websites and blogs.
  2. Visit the lead maternity carer with your partner/ex. If you can, attend any scans or tests during the pregnancy.
  3. See what help you can offer. Maybe you could help with some of the daily routines like cooking or washing.
  4. Help prepare for the baby. Get a room or space sorted, find out about hiring or buying a car seat, if you have a car and other equipment.
  5. Talk to your partner/ex about care of the baby after it’s born. Is she going to breast feed? If so, she’ll need help and support.
  6. Are you eligible for parental leave if you work? Talk with your employer about how this will work.
  7. If the baby is going to be born at a hospital or birthing centre, work out how you’re going to get there – babies are often born in the middle of the night.
  8. Keep talking to each other – be honest about how you’re feeling.

If you are not going to be living with your partner after the birth, it is important to get your name on the birth certificate if you want to be legally recognised as the father. It may make it easier for you to have contact with your child if the mum doesn’t want you to later on. However, you will be required to make child support payments if you are named as the dad. You are legally and financially responsible for the child until he/she turns 19.

Some men are no longer in a relationship with the mother of their child when the baby is born. If this is the case, you and your former partner will need to try and agree on how you will be involved in your child’s life. How you relate as parents will impact on your child. You may need some legal or other support (e.g. counselling) to reach an agreement on what your role is to be and what level of support your former partner may need. Remember, no matter how bad things might get with the mother, it’s ok to want a relationship with your child.

For further information see links below